Weekend of Crazy
by preposterousnotion
Summary: Rachel and Puck have plans for the use of Rachel's empty house at the weekend. But the glee club will try and stop them. Crazy ensues.


Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Glee.

AN: This is a follow up to 'Calming down the Crazy'. It will make sense if you haven't read it (I think), but do anyway if you can. Thankyou so much for the reviews and adding the story as a favourite, really appreciated.

Let me know what you think of this one!

Bree.

* * *

Weekend of Crazy

He was all up in her personal space and she loved it. In fact, there was virtually no space between them and so any space that was there was no longer personal, it was more like shared space.

Puck's hands were all over her back, wishing he could actually have them everywhere at once, though he was trying to make this possible. Maybe he could get hand extensions? Chicks got hair extensions didn't they?

He kept getting distracted from any logical thinking by the movement of her fingers. Her hands were looped tightly around his neck, pulling his face down to hers, and her fingers were often lightly brushing the back of his neck. This simple touch was driving him insane, it sent shocks of pleasure right down his back. Swear. The hair on the back of his neck was standing up like in movies and shit.

He had arrived at her front door with a big cheesy grin and a bunch of white carnations and in seconds Rachel had just like attacked him and now they were still making out and it was so intense he hadn't even tried anything. That was seriously intense making out skills.

He was quite happy for her to redirect the output nozzle of her crazy tank onto him. One, it was quite good to feel wanted (most other chicks seemed to think if they as much came near him, they would get pregnant- I mean come on, his boys were good- but not that good).

Two, she kinda got him. This was a weird feeling. Sometimes, he would just look at him and know exactly what he was thinking (and not even because he was predictably imagining what kinda panties she was wearing). Like, just now, they had had to part lips for much needed oxygen (damn having to breath- he was gunna be the first person to invent special snogging snorkels- it was going to be epic) and he had looked at her all spaced out cos she was just that hot, and he had wondered how he would go about asking her to suck his bottom lip (how do you ask that? Erm yeah, Rach, just suck my bottom lip would you please, equals, moment ruined), when she had just leant in and suckled at it, nibbling it slightly with her teeth as well. His girl rocked.

And three (and most importantly cos he may have started being able to appreciate his feelings but he was always a badass stud) she was HOT.

He twisted one of his hands in her hair. It was so soft. So were her lips. God her lips. And her tongue. He knew she got dancing lessons and shit but her tongue was just as competent as she was on its own. Seriously, she could win competitions with that beast.

There was a draft coming from somewhere. Ah. The door was still open. Must've forgotten to close it (don't blame him he was distracted). He kicked it shut. The sound of the door slamming shut was almost completely drowned out by her moan at his lick to the sensitive skin on the swell of her breast, just reachable at the base of her v-neck.

He had to have her scream his name.

* * *

Artie closed the door and wheeled into the circle, looking round at the other glee clubbers (minus Puck and Rachel). Their expressions ranged from boredom (Santana) to completely bewildered (Brittany) but most of them were focused as though mentally preparing themselves for a mission.

He cleared his throat authoritatively. "Right then. I expect you all are wondering why I forced you all to come over to my house on a Saturday, especially when you clearly have much more important things to do."

"I was told we were making a list of songs everybody would want to do to build up our repertoire for Regionals", Mr Schue spoke up.

"What is he doing here?" Santana asked, "How will he be able to help?"

"Help with what?" Schue asked, confused.

"We need to keep Puck and Rachel apart", Artie said.

Mike groaned. "Artie, that's stupid. They are great together. She makes him a nicer person. He makes her normal. What's the problem?"

"It's not just me that thinks this," Artie defended.

"No that's right", Mercedes cut in. "Look this is Puck. He will sleep with her and then break her heart. She will get depressed. She will sing flat and ruin our chances at Regionals."

"How can you be so sure?" Mike asked, desperately. But he was outnumbered here; even Matt was siding with the others and Matt usually stuck up for him; even when he announced that he was scared of going backwards on the train.

"Every piece of evidence we have points to this conclusion", Artie explained, as though her was on some crime show and they were convicting a mass murderer.

"So what's the plan?" Tina asked. "How are we going to keep them apart when they were practically having full clothed sex on the stage when we were announced as winners?"

"Well, as far as I see it, we only need to keep them apart for this weekend and then Puck, being Puck, will get bored and start pursuing someone else." Artie expanded.

"So that's why you mentioned trying to think of skills we have", Kurt said, realising.

"Yeah."

"Okay so let's go around the group." Mercedes decided.

Schue, who had been quiet for a while, thinking this through, spoke up. "Why am I here?"

"Well we needed you to know, so that we can call on you as a last resort", Artie explained. "But you can go now, if you want, Santana has your phone number."

Will, too tired to think straight, too tired to wonder how Santana had his phone number, just nodded and sloped off, hoping to just crawl back into bed when he got home.

"Okay. Quinn; you first." Mercedes said.

"Okay… Well I can dance, sing… I'm quite good with make up…"

"Brittany?"

"I'm really good at removing splinters", she smiled proudly and Mercedes moved on quickly.

"Matt?"

"I can dance"

"Mike?"

"I can dance. Better than Matt too." Mike was kinda grumpy. He wasn't totally down with this whole business.

"Kurt?"

"Well, Mercedes, you would know that I am a world class personal shopper"

"Too right sista! Erm... Finn?"

"I'm very gullible" he said moodily. "And can never tell who's lying."

"I didn't want to hurt you", Quinn sighed. "On second thoughts, I'm not getting involved. Come on Finn, we have to talk."

The others were surprised when he followed her, but there were more important matters to be dealt with.

"Where were we… Oh yeah; Tina?"

"I'm pretty good at Taekwondo"

"Artie?"

"Hang on, I'm just writing these down. I'm not quite sure how to spell Taekwondo… Erm, well, I'm good at games and stuff."

"Santana?"

"I'm good at blow jobs"

"I'm not writing that down! Erm.. okay, I'll put Santana down as having… Other skills"

"And put me down for fashion, make up, singing…"

"Cool. Okay then. Let's formulate this plan."

* * *

They stumbled over the arm of the couch, Rachel knocking them off balance by lifting up her arms to allow Puck to slide her top over her head. He dropped it to the floor, falling upon her exposed skin with wet kisses, grunting with pleasure as she rocked her hips against him as he moved his attentions to the top of her breasts.

He deftly discarded her bra, and began sucking and licking at her breasts, smirking against her skin as she whimpered and writhed under him on the couch.

"Fuck Noah." She moaned.

Fuck Noah indeed. Though he wasn't going to rush this, he wanted this to be perfect for her. He had no idea he was capable of caring so much. But it was taking all his concentration not to just take her right now on the couch due to her boldness and noises and lips and god…

The doorbell rang. He totally ignored it; her fingertips were playing at the bottom of his t-shirt. Skin on skin contact was imminent. Fuck the doorbell. Well actually, that wasn't the plan, fucking Rachel was the plan. Nothing else could interfere with that.

The doorbell rang again and again and again.

Rachel unlatched her lips from his jawbone. "Maybe we should answer it." She said breathily, "the house could be on fire or something".

Puck growled. "I can't hear it on fire. S'probly just the postman."

The doorbell rang again. Groaning, and with a soft kiss to her forehead, he reluctantly pulled away. "Don't move" he said. "I'll make him stop ringing that fucking doorbell."

He opened the door, adopting an expression that he hoped was both threatening and dismissing. He checked it in the hall mirror. That was actually pretty good. He should take a picture of that for future reference.

It was Artie.

"What the fuck?"

"Having fun?" he asked with an innocent smile, and a pointed look at his crotch.

Puck scowled. "What the fuck?" he repeated.

Before he even had a chance to summon his award winning prepared expression, Artie had somehow hoisted himself in the way of the door and was preventing him from shutting it with his chair.

Seriously this guy had the upper body strength of a Minotaur. It was pretty awesome actually. He would have been impressed had he not been so angry.

"It has come to my attention that you lack the expertise in the 'rock, paper, scissors' department." Artie said, wheeling into the hallway, Puck followed, cracking his knuckles.

"As a team mate, I feel it is necessary to help each other with our weaknesses, so that we can move on as a team. Move on to bigger and better things. Become the stars we all deserve to be."

Puck's blood was returning to his head. But he still had no idea what Artie was going on about.

"You think being good at rock, paper, scissors will make glee club better?" he asked, incredulously. "Look. I'm kinda busy."

"We need to start working on these weaknesses straight away." Artie said, ignoring him, "there is no time like the present."

"You are shitting me?"

Artie frowned. "I am not. This is deadly serious."

"I am not in the mood!" he returned. "And why?"

Artie ignored him again. "The key to success is double bluffing", he began, leaning forward in his chair and fixing Puck with a secretive gaze. "you have to think ahead to what your opponent will think that you are going to do next, so that you don't do what he thinks you are going to do, or do what he thinks you are going to do, because he may think that you are deliberately not going to do what he thinks you are going to do."

Puck raised his eyebrows. This shit just got weird. There was a half naked Rachel lying on the couch. Ah no she wasn't, she was just entering the hallway, looking very surprised to see Artie there. She had pulled on her top again and he could see the peaks of her nipples through it.

Wheels had to leave.

Employing his 'lovely arms' he picked up Artie, chair and all, and dumped him unceremoniously onto the porch, shutting the door forcefully behind him.

Rachel, blatantly impressed by his arms (she so dug his arms, and his nipple ring… he knew being such a badass would pay off) approached him with a sexy smile on her face, swinging her hips.

"Now where were we?" she asked, her voice silky.

* * *

Artie dialled Mercedes. It was time for drastic action. And fast.

* * *

It didn't take long for things to get pretty hot again. And he couldn't care less that the door handle was digging a hole in his back because all his senses were focussed on Rachel. The whole house could have fallen down around him and he wouldn't have noticed. Or cared. As long as Rachel kept running her hands on his chest underneath his t-shirt like she was doing now, he was happy. He could feel his muscles twitching underneath her fingertips.

He did notice when the door opened into him and nearly pushed them both over.

He watched Rachel's face change from shock to frustration to suspicion. He turned round.

Brittany, Santana and Mercedes were standing in the doorway. He couldn't punch girls dammit. And then he saw Mike and Matt standing behind them. What the fuck was going on? And Mike? He scowled at all of them but they just grinned back at him. Fucking infuriating.

Mercedes and Santana walked straight in past Puck, Brittany following in her own little world, her eyes seeming to count the dots on the hall wallpaper.

They whisked Rachel straight upstairs and into her room. "I do not appreciate being manhandled!" She shrilled, as Mercedes pushed her into her desk chair in front of her vanity. Brittany was unloading a make-up bag she hadn't noticed she had been carrying.

"Except if it's by Puck", Mercedes cut back.

"Noah is extremely respectful and would never hurt me", Rachel retaliated, blushing slightly.

"The guy threw slushies at your face. Even you can't act well enough to pretend that didn't hurt you."

"You don't understand him like I do." Rachel said quietly.

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but, Rachel Berry you are so shallow if you can't see what we see."

"Now what does that mean?" Brittany piped up. "Because I saw it on the sign at the swimming pool as well."

Rachel frowned. How could she explain that she thought she could see beyond what they could see? She could only explain this to Noah and even then her extensive vocabulary was no use: though she didn't think kissing Mercedes would make her understand.

"I don't quite know what you guys are trying to do, but I don't like it." Rachel added. "We're going to give you a makeover". Santana announced. Rachel couldn't tell whether her smile was kind or malicious. You never really could tell with Santana.

"Huh?"

* * *

"What the hell is going on here?" Puck demanded, flexing the muscles across his shoulders. No thanks to these losers, a hell of a lot of tension was building up inside him. If they weren't careful, one of them was going to be on the receiving end of a 'puck-has-been-cock-blocked-and-doesn't-like-it' full on punch.

"We have to teach you dance", Mike mumbled.

Matt poked him in the ribs with his elbow. Mike scowled.

He couldn't meet Puck's eyes. He stared down at the floor and spoke in monotone and as though he was reading from a script. "We feel that apart from Finn, your dancing is what is letting down the glee club. Our weaknesses should be addressed as soon as possible. There's no time like the present."

That's what Artie had said. Puck narrowed his eyes.

"I am a badass dancer." He said.

Mike shrugged and flashed Puck a look that said 'it's not my idea'.

Puck took a deep breath. Shit. Okay. Time to try and talk about his feelings in front of people. Can't… Form… Proper… Sentences…

"I'm not fucking around here. She just gave me the green light. We can do this shit and whatever."

It made more sense in his head.

"I told you", Mike said. Chang was a legend. He may need him in the future as an interpreter…

Matt just shrugged. "Let's go then I guess."

Puck grinned. Then his eyes widened as he heard yelling from upstairs.

"I will not look like a hooker and no Brittany it does not look nice", Rachel bellowed.

"I don't care if Puck would like it. Noah will have to accept me for who I am."

You tell 'em girl.

He had to run upstairs and take a look at her all riled up and pissy. Totally hot.

* * *

"Why do you trust me?" Puck murmured, leaving gentle kisses along Rachel's jawline as she lay on the bed underneath him, (still fully clothed and everything, longest time it had taken him to get in a girl's pants, like, ever- damn glee club. So why did it feel like this was just making him more sure that this whole being a proper boyfriend thing was so right?).

"Cos I have always believed you could prove yourself to deserve trust."

"But I haven't, have I?"

Why the fuck was he trying to talk her against him? Her hands were on the waistband of his jeans! He was such a pansy.

"Not yet." She smirked. "Don't you want to."

"Shit. Yes. For you and shit."

Yes he knew he was bad at forming words but he was even worse around her. Luckily she seemed to be able to fill in the gaps.

She kissed him slowly. "I always thought you could plan everything." She said, and his hazel eyes on hers were like a hug.

"Yeah?"

"I thought I could plan to get with the leading guy. But you can't plan everything."

It was getting a bit deep so he kissed her, moulding their mouths together. But he had to ask something.

"I'm not going to screw this up." He said. "Fuck. Please help me."

She smirked. "That's not very badass."

He flicked her nose playfully. "You know that just makes me wanna prove something."

She smirked again. She was getting good at that. He must be rubbing off on her. He wished he was. There was a sparkle in her eye. "Go on then. We are alone. We have the whole house to ourselves for the entire weekend, and I did all my homework in the week."

"Yeah so did I."

She scoffed, but he muffled her with his mouth descending on hers quickly. He ran his fingers up her sides, catching his thumbs in her top to take it over her head. Total déjà vu (take that Madame Fifi).

But this time, Rachel was already scrabbling at his t-shirt, and together they managed to throw it across the room.

She quickly pulled him flush with her again. Skin on skin. Hell yeah. He actually had to check that he wasn't on fire. He loved that she liked to dig her fingernails in. Her awesome mouth suckling at his collar bone. It really was awesome. Felt like one of those little fish that when you put your finger in the fish tank nibbles at it (yes he had done that several times. The first time he had done it he had been so shocked that he had yanked his finger out of the water, taking the fish with it, and the fish had been catapulted across the room. He had only found it a few days later when it had started to smell kinda funky…). He wouldn't tell her about the fish thing; he wasn't sure she would take it as a compliment.

He mimicked her actions, suckling lower and lower at her skin until he rounded the swell of her breast and took her nipple in his mouth, lightly nipping it. She whimpered. He had had the best idea. He would take a sound recording of her. He would never need to take the perilous climb up the trellis on Mr Carter-Green's back wall to steal playboys ever again.

But then she rolled her hips into him. He forgot everything. He moaned her name against her skin. She did it again.

His hands found the zip at the back of her skirt and he somehow managed to push it down her legs. Fuck. Where had her panties gone? He really was a stud. He just imagined they weren't there and BAM! they were gone.

He ran his finger down her slit. "You're so wet for me. So tight. So hot. Fuck Rach."

"You should." She gasped, as he plunged a finger inside her.

He looked genuinely surprised. Yeah okay he wanted to, she could feel that, he was practically boring a hole in his jeans. But did serious boyfriends and girlfriends have sex before they had even dated? He had no idea; he was going to go with her on this one.

In reply, he kissed her deeply, his tongue moving in her mouth in a similar way to his two fingers inside her. She bucked into his hand. Then, with no warning, suddenly tore her mouth from his and bit down hard on his shoulder as she completely came apart beneath him, shuddering and everything. Clenching his fingers together.

Next time she did that, he had to be inside her.

* * *

As she got her breath back, he sat up slightly and fished around in his pocket. Shit. He could've sworn… Her eyes were on him then. Hopeful.

"I'll go get some", he said, he swore he actually heard his cock swearing at him. Okay, from now on he would carry a whole box round with him. No joke.

"D'ya wanna… before you go?" she asked shyly.

He growled. "I wanna be inside you baby." He said in a low voice. And she shivered.

"If you're sure. But be quick please."

Was he sure? He'd probably just postponed the best blow job of his entire life. But he wanted her to be sure about it first. And maybe work out her mouth some more.

"'Kay", he said, concentrating. "Just give me a minute."

Coach Sylvester, dancing in a chicken suit. Wow that was effective. He shot her a longing gaze then grabbed his t-shirt and legged it.

* * *

After a few minutes, Rachel's stomach growled. She pulled on her fluffy pink robe and headed downstairs to make a couple of sandwiches.

She sort of heard the scratching at the kitchen window. But she was singing quite loudly. Then Tina suddenly burst in through the window and jumped down beside the sink.

Rachel screamed. The squeezy mustard went all over the sideboard.

"Oh my god Tina! What are you doing? Why did you just jump through my kitchen window?"

"Well, I heard that you were home alone this weekend. I just wanted to make sure you were fully trained to deal with burglars."

"What?"

"Burglars. In case your house gets broken into."

"What?"

The entire glee club had gone crazy. She was supposed to be the crazy one!

"Just follow me." Tina said, pulling at Rachel's sleeve. Rachel was too shocked to disagree with her, so she followed Tina to the French windows.

"See here. A burglar could quite easily pass a wire through this gap, hook the key from inside the lock, and they're in."

"They key would never fit through that gap", Rachel pointed out.

Tina just looked at her sympathetically. "Remind me to teach you some Taekwondo moves in a minute. Because, let's face it, this house is ridden with burglar entrances."

Then she tensed and looked around her.

"See, I can here one now", she whispered. And then she was gone. Rachel ran after her. That was probably Noah…

"Fuck! What the fuck was that for?"

She arrived in the hallway just in time to see blood pouring out of Puck's nose.

"Okay. I'm going then." Tina said quickly.

Rachel grabbed a tissue. Fuck. He had just been beaten up by a girl. There was blood and everything. Something weird was going on.

"Noah! Are you okay?"

He allowed himself to be led into the kitchen. Rachel leaned his head back and cleaned him off with wet tissue. Actually this whole being looked after as an injured person was pretty cool. So fights were definitely okay, and a little bit of pain was totally worth while if Rachel was going to do this kinda thing, her little hands cupping his jaw and her fingers stroking his cheek as she dropped soft kisses onto his forehead to make him feel better.

Plus he could totally see down that robe.

"Thanks babe. Feel great now. But we should totally lock that door. Don't need any more visitors today."

Rachel nodded in agreement. "I made sandwiches." She said. "So we have plenty of energy…"

His girl was a keeper.

* * *

Rachel had the key in the lock and was about to turn it when the door was flung open.

"Not so fast", Kurt said, grabbing her arm. "We need to take you shopping diva. When we get invited to parties after winning Regionals, you are going to need a whole new wardrobe. I suggest we spend most of the weekend starting it. You are very lucky; most people would pay good money for my advice."

"Noah!"

He came thundering into the hallway.

"Okay that's it! I know you don't like to think this but technically you are a guy and so technically it is perfectly fine for me to crush you!" Puck was yelling now. These people had just crossed the line. Plus he was horny. Plus he had just brought a jumbo pack of condoms and he was planning on using every single one before the end of the weekend.

Kurt shrank a bit. But stood his ground.

"Kurt leave" Rachel ordered. "I'm not going to stop him if you don't."

Kurt left. Hurriedly. Yeah that's right; he knew he was a badass stud.

Rachel slammed the door and sighed with relief.

Puck kissed her tenderly, cupping her face in his warm hands. She melted inside. He just kept proving her that she had made the right decision in giving Noah the chance to prove himself.

"Still wanna do this?"

"You'd better not try and stop now", she warned him, "I have never been so…?"

"Frustrated?"

"Yeah."

She flicked his nipple ring absentmindedly.

"Do you think you could stay here for the weekend? To protect me from burglars?"

"I'm not leaving", he assured her.

The door handle moved. Puck exploded with expletives. Who was that now?

He stomped over to the door and wrenched it open, a look of murderous rage on his face that was even better than 'threatening and dismissing'.

"Fuck. Off."

The entire glee club (minus Finn and Quinn but Puck didn't notice), including Mr Schue, was standing in Rachel's porch. Where the hell had they been hiding? He looked around the bushes worriedly. What if that big purple dinosaur was hiding somewhere? (What? That thing was scary as).

"We need to have a meeting."

Why the fuck was Schue involved in this? He could totally take them all. And plus Mike and Matt would probably help him.

"Sure we can have a meeting." He said breezily.

Rachel poked him. "No we can't", she hissed.

He had this. He was brilliant. "We can have a meeting as long as you don't mind that we are going to have sex in this house, a lot, whether you guys are here or not."

Ha. Schue looked distinctly uncomfortable. He was slightly disturbed by the smile that Santana was directing at them.

"Now fuck off."

To show he was serious he pulled off his t-shirt and swept Rachel into a scorching kiss. He was pretty sure they would leave but kicked the door shut anyway cos he wasn't willing to share his girl with Santana.

All her crazy belonged to him.

* * *

Please Review :)

AN: The fish thing – my twin sister Ruby actually did that when she was younger! So I suppose I better thank her for being inspirationally funny!


End file.
